Does a person with dementia lose his or her old personality? Sometimes. Does it seem like a different person inside the same familiar body? At times, it can. Do family members sometimes mourn the loss of a parent or brother – even though the person is still clearly with them? Yes, they do.

Dementia can lead to symptoms and behaviors that can seem worse than cancer, heart disease, and other more ‘body-centered’ illnesses, but let’s not lose heart. The person inside that familiar body is still the person we love. That person and, in fact, all of us have common psychological needs.

Tom Kitwood, the late Alzheimer’s researcher, suggests that people with dementia, like all people, have six psychological needs and that as we care for people with dementia, we should strive to fulfill those needs every day.

As you care for someone with dementia – whether it’s caused by Alzheimer’s or another disease or condition, consider finding ways to fulfill these six psychological needs – every day:

1. Attachment – We need to feel attached to another person or to a group. We want to feel connected to someone or something.
2. Love – Everybody needs it. To love someone; to be loved and accepted; to love an activity, a food; to love God, self-love/self-respect.
3. Comfort – We all need to feel comfort. We need to be warm, dry, and clean; to have a full-stomach and not be thirsty; to have quiet when we want it; to have our anxiety calmed; to have a sense of tenderness, closeness, and bonding with others.
4. Identity – We need to have others know who I am or who I was. We want to be individual, to be special, to have our own identity. We want our individuality to be recognized in our food preferences, our clothing, our activities and recreation. (Tell and re-tell your loved one his or her own ‘life-story.’ It may prompt something good.
5. Inclusion – We want to feel we are a part of something, to belong to a group, to be a member, to not feel left-out.
6. Occupation – We want to be occupied (to have something to do); to help others; to occupy ourselves with ‘work’ that, if at all possible, has meaning and purpose. (Give your loved one ‘jobs’ like folding laundry, setting the table, help with dinner, etc.)

Visit The Birches Assisted Living web site to learn more about dementia care.